The Answer To The Marriage Problem


Much has been said about whether or not the guilty or innocent party in a divorce can remarry. Matthew 19:9 clearly defines who the innocent and guilty are, and which of the two have the scriptural right to remarry. The contention still exists in spite of sound teaching on the matter. This leads me to believe the answer to the “marriage problem” is resolved months and years before a marriage begins.

The answer to the marriage question is Begin Now teaching the next generation the biblical truth about the seriousness of marriage, the importance of choosing the right mate, and the solemn duty each person has to fulfill the responsibility placed upon them in marriage. The contentions that exist over marriage and remarriage are due in part to our lack of attacking the cause rather than treating the symptom.

Teach your children and others Marriage is Based on a Covenant. The marital covenant is a mutual agreement filled with promises and responsibilities. Each man and woman who enters marriage is in agreement to BE and DO what they promised. This is the honor you bestow upon your relationship. Marriage is your vow to God and your mate to keep your word. Marriage is handicapped when either husband or wife forget or fail to honor their commitment.

Exhort the next generation to understand Marriage is NOT Defined as a Social Relationship. Do not treat this solemn, sacred, holy, and divine union as a legal way to get to know the opposite sex. God established marriage to be a sacred, holy, and sanctified relationship. This union is not “living together” to “get people ready” for marriage. Marriage is divine in origin, divine in calling, and divine in mission. If holiness does not describe what marriage is, then we have failed to understand the connection Ephesians 5:26,27 has with marriage. The scripture says, “that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Every person in marriage needs to see marriage as being a “God-centered spouse”, not a “spouse-centered spouse”.

We must teach the Danger of Marriage to an Unbeliever. A mother in a congregation, just before her daughter was married to a young man who was not a Christian, was asked if she ever taught her daughter to consider dating and marrying a man that was a Christian. She responded, “I never thought of that.” There is no sin to marry a person not a Christian, but marrying one who is not invites certain strains on a relationship that could be avoided if the two were Christians. The next generation that starts dating needs to realize when the honeymoon is over and the couple “gets down to business of living together”, spiritual ties between husband and wife are vital, Spiritual intimacy with your mate is an intimacy we fail to teach our children about in marriage. A marriage void of such intimacy can be jeopardizing to one’s soul no matter how much “love” the two say they have toward one another.

We should instruct our children to Value Communication in marriage. The failure to communicate is the number one problem in marriage. You cannot have knowledge and understanding of a spouse’s needs unless you listen and learn. Studying your spouse Takes Time Together Talking not Telling. How simple it is, but how lonely, isolated, separate, and withdrawn a husband or wife becomes when their spouse does not take time to learn about their strengths and weaknesses. If there is little communication which involves learning and  encouraging, you can imagine there will be more criticisms, insults, fault-finding, or other loud, negative tones displaying in marriage. Such annoying and destructive conversation never leads to phrases as “I love you”, “I appreciate you”, or “I need you”.

You may consider these thoughts above a sign of a utopia or idealism in marriage. Why should we accept less than average in marriage anyway? Our marriage needs to be above average. Is it not your dream to have a meaningful, joyful, memorable, and long-lasting marriage? Are you not tired of having to solve problems and unravel complex marriage situations? Try the holy way! Work on your marriage and get the next generation ready for theirs also! Remind yourself and tell your children what can happen when you leave God out of marriage…