Seven Questions To Ask Your Spouse About Our Marriage
Having asked your spouse to marry you (or having been asked to marry your spouse) seems like the only question that would ever be needed in marriage. We thought we had asked all the right questions before getting married. What other questions are there to ask or answer?
Maybe there is one more question to ask: “Will you take…to be your husband/wife?” That seems rather silly to ask such a question, seeing you are already married. Maybe the question should be changed: “Would you take…to be your husband/wife again?” Think about it.
We received a call a few years ago from a young couple about to take a trip together. The husband wanted a list of topics they could talk about as they traveled. Below is a list of some of those topics woven within questions every spouse should ask the other about their marriage. The hope with each question is to promote open, honest, and understanding communication. The questions are not “conversation fillers,” but they are communication essentials about matters some couples have yet to discuss. At times, they have become points of contention without any resolve.
Give this list some review and begin asking them today:
What can I do for you? Ask your spouse that question every day. Acquiring the selfless, serving attitude of Philippians 2.1-4 is the mindset each spouse needs to develop in his or her marriage. A marriage which shows more interest in self than spouse will be a divided house, not a united house.
What are we going to do if…? A marriage does not plan for a spouse to lose a job, commit adultery, develop a disease, or move across the country away from parents. You never plan for “if,” and “if” is often not a choice you make for your marriage. Here is where you pray for courage, ask for strength, pursue commitment, and remember your vows - “I promised…”
What time of day is best for us to talk? There is a time. When is it? Is it while she is washing dishes or he is working on the car? Is it while he is watching TV or she is folding clothes? Is it early morning or before bedtime? Is it while she is upset or when he comes home from work? There has got to be a time to talk about what is bothering you, where you are going to send your children to school, or what is on your schedule this week. Find the time. Take the time. Schedule it. You need it.
Is our home a place you long to be each day? Some spouses are very anxious and fearful about what they will hear or see from their spouse when they walk in the garage door, the front door, the kitchen, or the bedroom. The home should be a refuge. It is to be a place of rest, comfort, and hospitably. Does this exist in your home? Would you want a guest to come into your home and hear and see what goes on where you live each day? Would it be embarrassing, shameful, and destructive? Keep in mind one thing: God does not live in a home where turmoil exists. He favors and blesses a home where his spirit, truth, grace, and mercy abide.
How have I been treating you lately as a spouse? The attitude of some spouses deserves a stoning. Yet, a current attitude can go on for weeks and months without any thought of repentance. Spiritual closeness between couples has been lost. More conflicts than peaceful moments exist. Each spouse has “reached his or her limit,” but when will a spouse stop such an ungodly treatment of their loved one? When will the cycle break? For other couples, they treat each other with so much joy, care, attention, and devotion. There is at least one of the fruits of the Spirit displayed each day. It is like aromatherapy. They love the scent. It is so pleasant to breathe the air when they are with each other.
Is our marriage serving God or us? A self-serving marriage is the type of marriage most people have. What many marriages need is a good dose of spiritual intimacy. It is an intimacy we leave out. Some couples never consider it. If a married couple studied, prayed, served, taught, and worshiped together, they would see their marriage reflect more the image of God rather than their own image. Are you and your spouse both headed in that direction? Such a God-like view has taken our marriage beyond our highest expectations.
What will our children say we believe about marriage? How you treat your marriage leaves a legacy for the next generation. They will see it as terrible or terrific, a joy or a curse, a disaster or a delight. Instead of leaving your children something to live off of when you die, give them something to look forward to while you live - marriage. It is what God created for you and for them.
We have interacted with a lot of couples both before and after marriage. What we have witnessed is how many marriage problems are prevented and eliminated by asking the right questions. While the decision to marry someone is one of the most significant decisions you will make in life, the questions you ask of your spouse once the two of you are married will be equally as important. They provide so much understanding, appreciation, and hope for your future together. Never be afraid of the answers. Have the fear of the Lord and submit yourselves to one another by asking these questions (Ephesians 5.21).